Thursday, October 30, 2014
The question of which type of friendship, meaning female or male, is better was posed in class the other day. I do not think that either one is more important or of better value than the other. I think that each different friendship, either male or female, we have is different than another, not better or worse. You might tell one friend, male or female, something but not the other, not because the friendship is better, but because it is different and you know that person, male or female, will understand what you are saying. All friendships are different, and that is because all people are different. So in order for one friendship to be "better" than another, one might think that that implies that one friend is "better" than another, and I do not believe that any person is better than anyone else, just different. Therefore, no friendship, male, female or mixed, is better than another.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I agree with Amanda on her point, that a male friendship is not better than a female friendship or vice versa. And I also agree that one friend is not "better" than another because we are all equal. But building on that, it is not to say that some friendships still work better than others since every friendship is a two way street. People grow and change over decades, years, even months, and changing personalities alter the course of the friendship. Some old friends just become too different. And both friends do not even have to see it that way, only one has to see it. One person in the friendship has the power to end it. Life plays out and things change in our lives; sometimes we just do not have the time we once did to maintain those past friendships.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, Amanda. It would seem strange to say that one friendship is better than another. There are so many different types of friendships and they each have their own benefit. Sure I may not tell one friend as much as I tell another but I still value both of their friendships equally for different reasons. We sometimes label someone as our “best” friend and I think that all that means is that the specific qualities of that friendship are highly valued by you, or perhaps you have multiple good qualities about that friendship, but that does not discredit any other friendship you may have.
ReplyDelete-April Currey
I'm going to have to disagree with what you guys have been saying. While I agree that everyone should be equal, I do not think that that has anything to do with friendships and whether or not someone is a good friend. Why can't you say someone is a good friend and someone isn't a good friend? Granted, one person's opinion of a good friend may be different than another's, ie. favoring trustworthiness above intelligence, etc., but that does not mean that we can't classify our friends on a level of how they act towards us. I do not understand why it has been said that we can't say one friendship is better, because if we don't have the ability to determine which friendships work the best for us we will never achieve the best friendship we could have. It seems that possibly we've been taught to distinguish between people rather than groups and are thus hesitant to even consider the possibility of picking a "better friend."
ReplyDeleteTo off what Amanda A. stated. I do not think overall a male or female friendship is better than the other. I do not think you can make a sweeping statement like that using the broad terms female and male friendship. There are different types of friendship that have different purposes. You have your Villanova friends, your friends from home, and your friends from childhood (to name a few). I don’t think you can really say one group of friends is better than the other. As someone in class mentioned you may talk to your friends at home about you Villanova friends or go to your Villanova friends when you want to vent about your friends from home. Each group, or subgroup, of friends has a purpose. It can be even more than just talking about one of your group of friends to a different group. You could talk more about school problems with your Villanova friends and then talk more about your career and family problems/ dreams with your friends from home. In this sense I don’t think you can say one is better than the other. I think that is because you need to talk about or fulfill both of those things. Maybe talking out life goals and dreams is deeper conversation than a conversation about school at times, but that is a need that needs to be met.
ReplyDeleteHowever to go off what Amanda E. said, I think you can say one friends is better than the other. Like she stated if we didn’t distinguish between the two then wouldn’t all our friendships be considered good? I think there are good and healthy friendships and then there are bad ones, just like any relationship. You can distinguish between a good friend and a bad friend. Is the person there for you when you need them? Do they support you? Do they help you? Do you trust them? These are some of the types of things that differentiate good and bad friendships. I would say the person who meets most, if not all of these things, is a better friend than someone who only helps you when it is convenient for them. At the same time though, I think there comes a level or time where some of your friends all reach the best friend level- which can be tricky. This is because they all might be there and support you but for different things. As I said earlier, one could support you more in school problems and another can support you in family and life. It can be hard, I think, to rank your friends at this level. Both are your best friends but in different parts of your life. To rank them would be like ranking what parts of your life are better. School vs. family, etc. Both are a part of you.
I think trying to decide whether a certain type of friendship is better is a bit of a catch 22. Sure, both 'types' of friendships we talked about in class may address issues differently and how healthy that reaction is completely depends on the circumstances of the situation, people involved, et cetera. But finding the 'best type' of friendship is just finding the right balance of certain attributes of 'male' and 'female' friendships. I think we can all admit we are not perfect. Since we are not the best we can be, how can we expect our friendships to reflect anything that is the 'best' or 'best type'. I think as long as the shortcomings and negative aspects of the relationship are acknowledged and an effort is made to fix or better them, there can't really be a better friendship. And so the 'best type' is completely dependent on how someone particular's relationships function.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comments above. I also think that it doesn't really matter whether the friendship is between a boy or a girl because all friendships are unique. We need a sense of equality for friendships to work out and without that, there is no form of a relationship that can truly develop. As cheesy as it is, you treat your friend as you would want to be treated. Loving a friend is also loving what is good for you. In a sense, we are selfish in that way. Friendship should not involve a superior and an inferior. I do believe that all friendships can dissolve; however, the more complete ones are less likely to. Lasting friendships should appreciate when you grow and develop as a person. If you go away to college, you are likely to go through some changes but usually most close friendships last because they are likely to go through the same types of changes and developments. All of these changes lead to a hopefully more happy life and if not, friendships are what help each other get through rougher times, which ultimately strengthen your bond. Conclusively, friendships are all unique so none are gonna develop and continue the same way.
ReplyDeleteI agree in that I do not think that one of the two relationships we stereotyped in class is better. I believe that a friendship is based on the compatibility of the two people involved, and those friendships can take on infinite forms. Each person is different, which makes each individual friendship very different from any other individual friendship because no two friendships can have the same people to create that same dynamic. We cannot classify a female friendship as googling over boys, nor can we classify a male friendship as punching each other. For this reason, I agree that there is no way to decide which type of friendship is better because there is no cookie cutter type of friendship. Different friendships are not comparable to others because the experiences shared are too specific to the individuals.
ReplyDeleteAgain, like everyone has been saying, choosing one type of friendship over another as being “better” is nearly impossible. I think that friendships, by nature, make you happy. If a friendship does not make you happy, then it is not a real friendship. I think that when a friendship does not work, it is because one person is not investing the same amount of effort as the other person is. This kind of difference in the relationship can happen in either gender. I think that all friendships that are equal in effort are beneficial to happiness. Having a friend means that you have someone to listen to you and laugh with you and share your ideas with. You exchange stories and opinions and you grow and change because of the opinions that you learn from your friends. I think that a true friendship would never be bad for you or for your happiness. Deciding which type of friendship is somewhat irrelevant because all friendships increase your happiness is some way.
ReplyDeleteI agree also agree with Amanda. I believe that a friendship depends on the individuals involved. A true and complete friendship seems to need someone that has values and interests similar to the other individual. Then we must look at whether the complete friendship is with a male or female. Most likely the friendship is with the person of the same gender. The reason for this is because sex may get in the way of the friendship. This is no fault of our own. Our biological make up causes us, humans, to want to reproduce with the opposite sex in order for us to continue the family's chances of survival. There really is no answer to which friendships is better, male or female. I believe that same sex friendships are the best.
ReplyDelete