Friday, November 7, 2014
Relationships by Judgement
As I mentioned in class today, small talk helps us develop a perception of how comfortable we can be with whoever it is we are having that conversation with. This is why I think that we cannot make the judgements we usually can when the conversations we are having are not in person. Social interactions include sharing a common idea, but the idea is more drawn out and discussed in person than through the internet or on text message. Since we are taking away the suspicion of having to make ourselves and the other person feel welcome, we almost feel more comfortable speaking online to someone since they cannot see how we are reacting. We are ultimately disassociating ourselves physically, which in the end prevents true bonding and honesty on a personal level. When we see people's faces, we feel we need to take responsibility for things. While we can be swayed by tones, looks, etc. in person, it is much more so online since we cannot as easily read other people if we are not seeing them. Judgements are much more limited with relationships formed on the internet, which can ultimately become dangerous.
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Although I agree that socializing via text and the internet can be very misleading because as Connor mentioned, people can fine-tune their personality as they see fit (they can take as long as they want to think of a response, they can publish things on their profile to make them seem like something they're not, etc.), I also believe that this provides our society with a learning opportunity with respect to judgment. If someone is mindlessly forming relationships with people online, and not even taking into account the fact that online interactions are significantly less genuine than live interactions, then yes, it could be dangerous. However, because so much attention is currently being drawn to the drawbacks of connecting through social media, I think that many people are starting to realize its effects on relationships. For example, personally, because I am able to see how significantly different some people's online persona is than their real life personality, I feel like I am more definitely more cautious when it comes to believing what people say about themselves (directly or indirectly) on social media. I have stopped even judging people based on what they put/say on social media because I have come to terms with the fact that everyone fine-tunes their personality/life to a certain degree. Furthermore, I feel as though the degree to which someone's internet persona differs from his real-life persona allows me to make a better judgment about them as a person in general. For example, if someone is totally different online than in real life, then I definitely become weary of them as a person and start to wonder about their motives. So, in a way, internet socializing does kind of help out with judging relationships and who (or who not) to be friends with because it gives an idea of who is genuine.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Maureen, that if there is a huge difference between someone’s real life persona and their online persona, that is a quality that you could judge someone on and your relationship with them. Relationships that solely revolve around the internet can be dangerous and dishonest, but only if the people are dishonest. For example, when people are catfished, like we were talking about in class today, it is usually by someone who is deceitful and wants something from the other person. They would probably display these characteristics offline as well. The same I think is true for cyberbullying. Sometimes people use the internet as a means to hurt other people, but I think these kinds of people would find a way to be a bully regardless. The mask of the internet allows certain types of people to come forth, but I think it is one of the many means they would use. I think that in-person interactions are better, but genuine online connections can be made if two people make a positive effort.
ReplyDeleteI found it somewhat of a paradox to consider the friendships you make online as a way of achieving happiness - which is the ultimate goal of a complete friendship (or relationship). There have been some studies done about how much people spend on social media and in front of the computer screen in general and it has been pretty conclusive that the more time and effort put into creating themselves as an internet persona the less satisfied they actually are with their lives. These studies seem to be more focused on the feelings of jealousy that can develop when using Facebook whether you think your friends are having more fulfilling lives based on how they interact online, or if you are getting envious of a boy/girlfriend who have some more connections with someone online than the average friend. However, there's other studies that seem to conclude these internet platforms actually do make us happier by increasing trust and the amount of engagement we have with each other.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure which side I lean more towards, but I am inclined to agree that if used the correct way internet interactions really can make you happier. I think there is a very fine line between that "happy zone" of use and using it so much it becomes a negative social force in your life simply because it is not nearly as fulfilling as face-to-face interactions which are so important for developing long-lasting relationships.
http://www.newyorker.com/tech/elements/how-facebook-makes-us-unhappy
That link has some other links to the primary articles themselves if anyone is curious.
I feel like phone calls, texting, skyping, really just all forms of communication are a good means of sustaining a relationship but no more. I don't think you can improve upon or dare I say ENHANCE your relationship with another unless you are in person. Theres just something else to it that you don't get even if you are sky ping. I always feel more comfortable handling matters in person. If some one is having a hard time, and they are telling me about it over the phone, I will always say hold on I'm coming over. I do not think it is fair to just discredit any sort of non face to face interactions though.
ReplyDeleteI personally feel more comfortable in a face to face setting. While I agree that it is easier for people on the other end to falsify their identity, persona, et cetera, I feel like I'm often misrepresenting myself (even if I'm not trying to be someone else or anything). I'm often far more reserved over texts and messaging platforms than in real life because I don't want the other person to take what I'm saying the wrong. Like Padge mentioned earlier today, being sarcastic or have any 'personality' can easily spark a fight or some stupid misunderstanding. However, once I really get to know someone in person, I could care less what I send because they probably won't take me seriously. So in that sense I would agree with Colin that such technological forms of communication are useful for sustaining a relationship or friendship but in no way would I think it's possible to really to base a relationship on such communication. Sure you can start a relationship with over the internet, but whether it be because we're not truly being ourselves to the fullest or completely trying to be someone else, how many of us can honestly say we'd be the same person?
ReplyDeleteI believe that these forms of online communication act as surrogates for us to live our lives in a more fantasized ideal way. To comment on what Stephanie said, people are often try to develop their life online more and more because it provides an escape from the hardships of real life. Even us writing on this blog post, we are speaking in manners that are extremely different than how we normally talk in class. Since this is a intellectual type of assignment/project, we alter how we communicate in order to portray this scholarly tone we are supposed to have. I would therefore also agree with Drake because it is much easier and more comfortable for people to express their ideas online because you can think them over without the pressure of another person looking at you, physically waiting for your response. You are able to make sure your points are clear and well thought out. All in all, online communication prevents other people from getting to know the true you because you portray the ideal you on the internet because we have the time to figure out how to make the perfect impression.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the statement that much of a relationship or conversation is stripped away when speaking through a screen, such as a computer or phone, and that this can quickly spiral out of control and become dangerous. I am not sure that I necessarily agree that it is because of the lack of small talk. Although small talk does give people a chance to test the waters and see how another person reacts, I do not think the lack of that is what causes the on screen conversations to become dangerous. I think that people feel comfortable online because they are so separated from the actual conversation that if things go wrong, it is almost as if it never happened. The thing about not physically being in a situation is that you can remove yourself from it with the click of a button instead of having to run away. This eliminates the shame aspect in life, which is what I think ultimately makes people make certain decisions. People who tend to be ashamed of themselves might venture into the cyber world so they can feel free to do or say as they please without feeling tied to the situation. Small talk in this case is unnecessary, but it is not the cause of people saying what they should not. That is from the lack of shame online.
ReplyDeleteAll of the reasons mentioned above as to how a person acts online (more eloquent, no shame in what they say) does seem to play into how online relationships aren't on the same level as personal relationships. Communicating with someone online or even over text gives them the opportunity to edit what they say, in a good or bad way. In a personal, face-to-face relationship, you're able to take into account the person's boy language, tone of voice, and natural speech, which gives you a much better idea of the person and whether or not you're fit to be friends. I don't think anyone could sustain a truly meaningful friendship over Facebook or text, because at some point you can only know so much about a person through those mediums. Sharing experiences and interacting with one another face-to-face is the last step, it seems, to truly knowing and becoming friends with that person.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Connor's statement. When we talk to someone online, we do not need to take responsibility for what we say because we can not be identified and judged. We also do not see the other individual's immediate reaction to the comment. We must also take into consideration that we are safe from the other individual, meaning that they can not harm us physically because the two persons are separated. So through this assessment, we must come to the conclusion of why people would rather talk online. This is because people are free of judgement and can not be physically harmed. There is another reason for a person to talk online. This reason is that a person has time to think of what his or her response will be. In person, an individual must respond immediately otherwise will judged and the conversation will end. Online, a person has much more time to respond.
ReplyDeleteA common theme that most of these posts are taking on is that relationships online cannot be as substantial and personal as face to face friendships. And yes, I do believe this to be true but I do also believe that forms of social media and ways of communicating via the internet/ text message are useful for enhancing friendships. A true friendship is one that can only be formed over time by personal interaction. All of my best friends I have known for years and our relationships have grown as we experienced things together. None of these relationships came from the internet, but now I do credit the internet and forms of social media for allowing my friendships with my friends from home whom I no longer see on a daily basis to continue. I am still friends with all of these people when I come home from college for breaks and the summer, and it’s not to say that if social media and texting did not exist our friendships would end, but these forms of communication allow for my friendships to continue to thrive and remain in contact even when we are miles apart. Online chatting might make socializing easier, but the lack of direct contact will never allow for true friendships to form if you have not known the person prior to when you social interactions began online.
ReplyDeleteI agree that social networking and texting can be very positive they do have negative side effects to them. It is harder to have a meaningful relationship with someone when you are only interacting through a computer screen or a cell phone. It is a cool and neat way to interact with your close friends who you have already gotten to know through person and continue to talk to through Facebook and Instagram and texting. But, you only really know someone through one on one interaction with them face to face. Anything besides that is not a close relationship.
ReplyDelete